Tuesday, October 21, 2014

10 days!

It's 10 days to Halloween, do you have your costume ready yet?  I...uh..hmmm, now that I think about it, DO NOT. I have the makings of a costume, TWO costumes actually, but I haven't completed them yet. Crap. I gotta get on that.  The reason why I have TWO costumes instead of just the one is that I have a fear of costume commitment. And also, one of the costumes is kinda gross.  I mean, it's not that gross, but maybe a little too gross for say...3 year olds and kindergarteners. So for the event that is at the daycare and school, I have to amend the gross costume I plan on wearing out trick or treating  and to an ADULTS Halloween party to something a little less icky. So, essentially, I'm making two costumes out of one.  Do you want to know what I'm gonna BEE??  heh. Hint there for ya.**

The boys don't have a fear of costume commitment; however, they do lack recognition of certain laws of physics and also, my arts and crafts skills.   Hopper would like to be both an astronaut AND a rocket ship at the same time. By that I take it to mean that he would like to be an astronaut in the act of piloting a ship, which is fine, but DUDE. I'm really not all that good with cardboard or rocket boosters, so he may be S.O.L. 

Rowan would like to be both a PIG and a GHOST. And yet, when I suggested that he go as BACON, he blinked at me uncomprehendingly.

So, in short, we have tentative, almost to fruition, HEY IT COULD HAPPEN plans for costumes, yet nothing concrete 10 days out. I'm not worried. I've probably told you this before, but I buy costumes all the time for the boys to play dress up, so we regularly have about a veritable wardrobe for them to choose from. I'll probably just lay them all out and let the monkeys choose which ones they'd like though so help me, if someone asks me to make robot arms out of dryer vents again this year, I will lose it.

**(Ok fine, I'm going as a ZomBee and either  a Spelling Bee or a Queen Bee--get it?? same bee parts, different make up.  Also known as--YOU KNOW I CANNOT RESIST A PUN COSTUME TO SAVE MY LIFE and  I FOUND A BEE COSTUME IN A THRIFT STORE FOR 5 BUCKS)

Monday, October 13, 2014

No Funtos

So, you may or may not know that we've had seven cocker spaniel puppies at our house for a week now which we are fostering for rescue. I've done this before, but it's been a while since I've had seven. Seven is....more than five. Three more than four...QUITE A BIT more than Smidge. What I'm saying here is that we are knee deep in poo over here. So tonight, some of the pups are going to a co-foster. For that reason, I thought I'd try and get a group photo of the girls all together. It was.. Less successful than I thought it would be. At six weeks old, they are at the cocker spaniel equivalent of  a small child taking off his pants smearing chocolate pudding on his hair and chest while screaming NO FUNTOS! YOU MAY NOT TAKE FUNTOS!! Which is to say: they are Rowan. Seven fuzzy little girl Rowans.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Faking It

This is the third Friday in a row that Hop has had some version of stomach upset bad enough to go home from school.  The first two were more of spewing halfway across the room type things and today's was decidedly uh, further south (update: he waited for the spewing til he got in my car. Hoo. Ray). ANYWAY.

 So, I'm getting upset that this is the THIRD Friday in a row that he's sick because I don't know if it means we have to stay home all weekend, how's he going to feel tomorrow, WHAT ON EARTH ARE THEY FEEDING HIM at school on Fridays that's maybe causing this. After I picked the poor kid up and dropped him with his dad and returned to work, I'm talking about it with some of my other coworkers who are also in this day-long training that is preventing me from leaving to take care of him which is already making me feel extremely guilty and crappy. This lady, who I normally like, actually suggests to me that Hopper is lying.

"You know," she says, "Sometimes they do these things to get out of school."
Yeah I know kids do that, I tell her, but there are several things wrong with this suggestion:
1). Its FRIDAY. If he wanted to get out of school, don't you think he'd be doing this shit on a MONDAY?
2). It's not lying when there is ACTUAL PROJECTILE VOMITING

"Oh," She says, "You know, kids have lots of ways to make themselves throw up if they want to get out of something."

Ok, lady, first of all, he's FIVE. He doesn't even know there is such a thing as making yourself throw up. He never saw that particular Lifetime Movie. Secondly, WHAT THE EFFF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.  I tried to explain to her that Hopper actually LIKES school. He hates missing it. He tried to get me to take him there on Saturday to make up for it the last time he was sick. Besides the fact that when I pick him up he's the color of chalk and got cold sweats and I know I mentioned this about 15 times already, but do you remember that there is a lot of throwing up going on? And you know what she says to me?

"Oh girl, I think you got yourself a faker."

I actually could not even speak there for a minute.  I could not even.  I just...walked away.

But  now you'll have to excuse me, I gotta go clean up some more pretend vomit from my kid who apparently is into extreme method acting and also apparently has figured out how to rig some sort of high tech undetectable horf simulator under his Power Rangers tshirt. Then I'm gonna pour some wine and think about WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

Wednesday, October 08, 2014

Veggie Project Update--week 1

It's been a bit hairy over here for the last week or so with having a new round of puppy fosters (7 of them) AND a bonus recurring stomach flu! but I've got some free time in between child horfs, so let me update you on how the Veggie Project is going.. (as I typed that last sentence, my child just came up to me and said that he "FarPooped". I'll let you figure out what that means on your own. Let's talk about food--hooray!).
So, seven days in and I've had a pretty successful week of veggie eating. I did have meat 1 1/2 times. Both of these were on purpose and I'll explain here in just a sec.  But so far, it's really been not all that hard. I'm lucky enough to live about 2 miles from Central Market and work about a mile and a half away from Whole Foods, so I'm not finding it too hard to find lunch things on the go. Plus, with the new puppy fosters, I'm having to go home at lunch for their midday feeding anyway, so I've just been making sure I've got some vegetarian options at home.
Finding a good balance of protein and fiber and other essential things is what I'm starting to work on. I mean, I can eat cheese and bread every day for the rest of my life and be perfectly happy, but obviously, you can't just do that. Well, ok, you CAN. But your digestive system isn't going to like you very much. I've also learned that not all veggie burgers are created equal. A couple of them ended up going to the dogs after one bite and you pretty much know you have an inferior fake burger when a dog that will feast on cat shit turns it down flat.
So, I did have meat 1 1/2 times. The whole number refers to  last Saturday when I went to a shindig at my friend Laura's house and we ate burgers that came from a cow named Darryl.  Darryl had belonged to Laura's sister and was raised on a ranch in West Texas. Apparently, Darryl was also a bit of a jerk who failed as a 4-H project.   Since Darryl fell under my locally sourced meat umbrella, I was OK with it. Darryl may not have been nice, but he was delicious.  The 1/2 refers to earlier this week when Sam made tuna fish sandwiches for us.  I know tuna is meat, I just don't think of it as the same, I guess. We can call it a 1/2 right?
So 1 1/2 times out of the last 21 meals, I figure I'm doing pretty ok.  I'm not gonna lie, cleaning up a massive amount of puppy poo and the after effects of ill children actually sort of helps.  I'm going to warn you about this next bit, seriously, if you're easily icked, don't read past THIS NEXT WORD. But if you ever need a little inspiration for staying on the vegetarian path, I have one visual for you that I guarantee will have you eschewing meat for the forseeable future. Want to know what it is?  (REMEMBER, I warned you):  hotdog vomit.  See? See what I mean? Hummus and crackers for everyone!
Man, I'm SO sorry about that! Up next: puppy pictures, I promise.

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

The Veggie Project

I know that most everybody knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month...how could you not know with all the pink? (gah, the pink) And I'm down with that. It's also Down Syndrome Awareness Month and ADHD Awareness Month (I would say "holla!" here, but then none of us could keep a straight face).  In addition to all of these extremely important causes, it's also Vegetarian Awareness month starting off with World Vegetarian Day which is today. But, you say, who cares? You are not a vegetarian!  This is true, I am not. You also do not like vegetables all that much! Yes, yes I know, okra is SO gross!   BUT... BUT:  I'm gonna go veggie for the next 31 days.

Now don't go tutting your tut tut at me. I have my reasons.  If you want, I can go into some of them here. Yes?  OK, first, I read this article on Monday. You can certainly have your opinions about Salon as a left-leaning information source, it is, I know. But actually, doing a little googling about factory farm conditions and the USDA and where the meat in our grocery stores and restaurants is coming from will cause you to start plotting out your next salad. Right after you scrub your brain with bleach.  I am only thus far committing to the next 31 days for the vegetarian thing, but I plan to use some of that time to start doing some research in to more local and ethical meat sources. I know of several family members and friends who get their beef and chicken from local sources, or eat meat that they themselves have hunted and processed. I think regardless of how this month pans out, I would still be ok with that. It's the other sources of meat that are scary as hell. It's not just a matter of being an animal lover (which I am) it's a matter of not wanting your meat being from horrific Dante Levels of Hell type shitholes.  It's tough to avoid, especially with two small boys that prefer their chicken nuggets to be in the shape of dinosaurs. I'm not saying I'll be able to make a complete conversion here. We're just...starting on the path, seeing where it leads.

Another reason is that, without going all into it, I haven't been in the best health the last few months. I don't have anything majorly wrong, but I've got allergy stuff going on, possibly auto-immune stuff going on and my energy level is in the crapper. I've had more than one doctor now tell me that one of the most pro-active things you can do for your own health is start really taking a look at your diet and make some changes. That means less processed schtuff. More plants. Less bread. (god I love bread).  As you may or may not know, I can't cook for shit. So, I always rely on pre-packaged things or easy to get things like fast food.  I'm not saying I'm going to learn how to cook. But I might learn how to put a few dishes together or maybe find some places to eat for lunch with healthier options. BABY STEPS.

So, yeah, 31 days, I think I can do this. I mean the important stuff is already vegetarian: Wine and Halloween Candy, amirite?  I GOT THIS.

I'll update you on how it's going.  Twelve hours in and I'm doing OK!  ha ha.  I had peanut butter on raisin bread for breakfast (baby. steps). For lunch I went to Whole Foods and got a stir-fry tofu bowl. It did not suck. Could've used some more heat and ginger to mask the tofu but it was not inedible. I'm not gonna lie, dinner will probably be tortilla chips and cheese dip. (IT'S LEFTOVERS, I can't let it go bad!). Yeah, I might need a little help with menu planning..

If anyone has any resources they'd like to recommend, either for vegetarian info or for local meat sources, let me know!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

A Bug and a Wish

I know the people in my life must get very tired of me telling stories about the various ways my children have picked up my potty mouth, and I promise to stop sharing them just as soon as I stop finding them funny.

The latest:

In Hopper's kindergarten class, they have visits from the school counselor every week. She does little "good citizen" lessons on various things like how to pay attention to your teacher by putting on your "listening ears" or how not to be a whiny little vortex of need "You Get What You Get and Don't Throw a Fit!" (I like that one, I really do).

I guess a recent lesson was how to express their dissatisfaction with a classmate's behavior without resorting to violence. What she told them was they needed to remember to use "A Bug and a Wish" i.e. You tell someone what's BUGGING you and then tell them how you WISH they'd act instead. Like, "Harold, it's bugging me that you're hogging the ball, I wish you'd throw it to me every once in a while."  I thought it was super cute and it really resonated with the kids because I hear them using it all the time.

This afternoon, I was asking Hopper how it went at lunchtime today and he says, "Well, C___ was standing behind me blowing noises at me so I gave him a bug and a wish.  But it didn't work, he was still a little bitch."

Thursday, September 18, 2014

TBT Sister Edition

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday, so for Throwback Thursday this week, I'm going to share some of my favorite pictures of her, and by that I mean, those pictures I can post on the internet and still reasonably hope that she won't hunt me down and give me a noogie til I have baldspot. (She can do it, trust me).

I love this one because she's executing the baby wtf look that our family seems to have down pat.

I love how the cat looks like he sortof wants to murder you. 

When I first looked at this photo of Robyn and I dressed in our bridesmaid gear for our big sister Kate's wedding, I thought, huh, that must be shadows or something, there's NO WAY we thought hair that big looked good. 

Sadly, I think we may have thought that hair that big looked good, because here's another one. Yikes.  Damn. 

and this. Oh. Oh dear. I know Mom made this dress for you and you loved it at the time. But wow. Peplums are no one's friend. 

I know you won't mind me posting this one. It was a tossup between this one and the one from 7th grade where you have short hair and prominent teeth. I figured this would buy me some brownie points. 

One of my faves

and weirdly, this is the latest one I have of the two of us, other than the ones of us at our niece's wedding where you're doing The Wobble and I'm laughing at you. Consider my editing those pictures out YOUR PRESENT. 

Happy Birthday Robyn!  

Monday, September 15, 2014

The Car Song

Every morning Hopper and I commute to school and work together because his school is approximately 200 feet from my office (ok maybe a bit more, but not much).  Up until recently, we'd always listen to KUTX on the way in, but with their recent DJ switcheroo, I've had to make alternate plans. (I like John Aeilli just fine, but I can't listen to babbling that early in the morning, it makes me feel like I'm still in the middle of a nonsense dream involving taco flavored bubblegum and Nina Simone). SO, instead I let Hopper pick music off my iphone.  I will usually insist that he not play the same song over and over again, but if he had his choice, we would listen to this song, on repeat for as many times as we could until we pull up to campus. The Alkaline Trio version of Movin' Right Along. It's his absolute favorite, knocking off the theme song to Rescue Bots and David Bowie's Fame.  Our drive takes about 20 minutes, so I will usually have to listen to it at least 2-3 times every day, watching him in the rear-view mirror bop his head along to it in that adorable rhythm-free way he has.  Listen to this as many times in row as you're able and you pretty much have my morning commute. Thank GOD it's not Yellow Submarine.

Friday, September 12, 2014

O'Fun Five

Heyyyyyy now! look at me! Five days in a row. You probably haven't seen this many blog postings since.. eh... 2008?  To round out the week, I'm continuing to share photos from THE FILE. My friend Shawna pointed out that my kids will be the ones picking out my nursing home and to that I say that I can only hope that my children inherit my sense of fairness and humor and that, someday, they learn to wear pants.

Happy Weekend, Everybody!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

o'fun Day 4

I mentioned earlier that I downloaded all pictures of the year through April. Why stop at April? Because when I got to May, I realized that all the pictures were from when we went to Arkansas for my mom's funeral. I know this sounds silly, but it just seemed like this big rift: things from when my mom was still alive and things since when she's not and I just had to stop for a while. I think I've been handling the grieving process pretty OK in my own time, but I guess sometimes I'm just not over it yet.  Anyway, so I needed a little pick-me-up so I decided that instead of downloading off my phone, I'd share some of THE FILE.
THE FILE, as you may know is the cache of photos of my children that I keep in hopes of one day sharing them with my son's potential dates/spouses/roommates/potential employers. Sadly, THE FILE is much too large (already) to share in its entirety, so I'm opting to share only the ones where my children are fully clothed (mostly). 

 Hooo, my kids crack me up.

more tomorrow!