Friday, April 21, 2006

Garage Sale (shudder)

So, this weekend I'm hosting a garage sale (shudder) for my rescue group. This will be my fifth one in two years--we have them every spring and fall. Have I mentioned how much I hate having garage sales (shudder)??? well, I do. I don't mind them when they're at other people's houses, but jesus-christ-on-a-pogo-stick do I hate having them at my place.

For one, what's up with the hours? It's always gotta be 7am to 1pm or 8am to 2pm, which means I have to truck my sleeping ass up before dawn on a Saturday which is just...wrong. And then, inevitably, I will have to deal with bargain-hunters who won't let me finish my coffee. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with finding a good deal, but the people who come to my garage sales (shudder) take it to the next #*$&ing level. I could seriously set out a brand new leather couch with a $10 sign on it and some monkeyfart will try to bargain it down to $7. You know what lady? That vase costs 25 cents. Just pay it already. I don't make change for quarters.

And as for the actual items in the garage sale? Personally, I think we have some good stuff. No, I don't still have the assembly instructions or the warranty card, Mr. High Expectations. Why don't you go to f#*$ing Sears?? And while I'm at it, let me get the following out of the way:

**No, you can't use my bathroom.

**No, the lawnmower is not for sale. That's why it has a big "Not for Sale" sign on it.

**No, I'm afraid I don't have a shopping bag for you. You're just gonna have to carry all 4 of those porcelain clowns by your lonesome.

**Why are you giving me a $100 bill when you see I'm holding a change bag with 2 one dollar bills and 50 million nickels and dimes??.... Okay, yes, yes, I did lie. You got me. I do make change for quarters...


It's probably not a good sign that I'm already this cranky.

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