Monday, August 07, 2006

Shitty TV

Look, I know I've got a slight problem with trashy tv. As in, I watch it. But I have my limits. I don't watch anything with wrestlers or shows about dancing--good, bad, or ballroom; eating creepy crawly things; making or being in the band; picking wives or husbands or other lifetime partners; switching wives, husbands or other lifetime partners; or dating anyone's wives, husbands or other lifetime partners. I refuse to watch any spinoffs from The Surreal Life because I don't, in fact, believe in your right to that 16th minute or that those bastards could have ever thought Brigitte Nielson was more interesting than Charo. (Charo rocks, I mean it). And recently, I shook off the Real World and it's many variants much like you'd flap your arms when a big ol' bug lands on you. It took a while, but I did it. In short, I know I have a problem, but I'm working on it here. That said, I'm sorry, but if someone mentions the possiblity that some contestant in a dating show might actually, um, soil herself with cameras rolling, I'm gonna have to tune in because really? Like, no one can see you? How does that work?

She didn't.

Oh yes, yes she did.

Right after that, I went to my storage closet, looked at my diplomas and cried. Man, that was rock bottom TV, the likes from which, I'm not sure I'll ever recover. If I could go back in time and just... change the channel to the news during that last 10 minutes, or even pop over to Pimp my Ride because that Xhibit, you know, he seems so kind. But no, I didn't.. And now I feel all...dirty. Because, damn yall, she pooped on TV.

That's just so, so wrong. And those of us who actually watched it (and by "us" I mean, Me and those 12 other folks), we're wrong-er. We're the reason that show exists, why it has a home on TV and Ted Koppel is out of a job. We're maybe not the reason why she couldn't just find a bathroom for the love of god almighty, but we're wrong for being there to witness it. It's at this point we all need to just slowly turn our backs and walk away. Step away from the poo, as it were, flush that part of our lives down the drain. (ha! you know you were waiting on the toilet reference).

As for me, I'll be good from now on. I promise. It's all BBC and PBS from here on out. I hear pooping is illegal in Britain.

7 comments:

ashleykaren said...

I agree with most of what you said about TV...though I would be lying if I would say I resist all of them...But my comment mostly is about your quote, "Step away from the poo" Its true...it really is. And I am glad that other people out there think a lot like I do. She kinda gives the expression..."surpised the crap out of me" a whole new spin now doesn't she?
I enjoyed your blog.

ashleykaren said...

I agree with most of what you said about TV...though I would be lying if I would say I resist all of them...But my comment mostly is about your quote, "Step away from the poo" Its true...it really is. And I am glad that other people out there think a lot like I do. She kinda gives the expression..."surpised the crap out of me" a whole new spin now doesn't she?
I enjoyed your blog.

ashleykaren said...

I happened to enjoy reading your blog today and I would like to say that I really do agree with you. Pooping on television isn't something that I aspire to in the morning..but you know maybe she is into that sort of thing. Not saying its not gross...but you never know with kids these days!

C said...

hey- I can't view the "pooing" !!!
What should I do? C

Stinkydog said...

ashleykaren--thanks!

C--Now, you KNOW I am not going to tell you how to view the pooing incident. Just go to YouTube and type in Flavor of Love, Pooping or any combo like that and you'll probably find it. But don't blame me when you're all scarred for life.

happyboogie said...

Well put. AND, yah sure, BBC and PBS my bootie...you are going right back to Bravo this week for your fill of Project Runway. Yep, hide those diplomas, you can't get enough of creative queens with a budget and a sewing machine.

Sadly, me neither.

happyboogie said...

Well put. AND, yah sure, BBC and PBS my bootie...you are going right back to Bravo this week for your fill of Project Runway. Yep, hide those diplomas, you can't get enough of creative queens with a budget and a sewing machine.

Sadly, me neither.Sadly, me neither.