"Recipes"

At my work we get lots of promotional items from various organizations, but this, by far, has been my favorite: it's a mini-calendar with "recipes" from its staff members. I say "recipes" in quotation marks because some of these are hysterical.

To wit:

Janet's Quick and Easy Teriyaki Stir-Fry
1 package Stir-Fry Vegetables Teriyaki Flavor (frozen)
chicken or beef

stir fry meat until brown, add vegetables. Add rice.


That's awesome, Janet. Since we seem to have the same cooking skills, I'd like to share my own "Quick and Easy" recipe:

Lee's Quick and Easy Cheeseburgers
car
drive-thru at Whataburger

Tell the nice lady at the window that you want a cheeseburger.

And then, THEN we have Margot's Sardine Dip.

Sardine Dip
Sardines, debone and skin
Onion, grated
Mustard, to taste
Tomatoes, diced
Miracle Whip

I promise you, I have not altered this in any way to make it seem more disgusting-sounding. This is really it. No directions, no measuring sizes, nothing. Just those 5 simple things and you've got a Sardine Dip. my god.

I am SO going to do one of these for Christmas Presents next year!