Tuesday, February 23, 2010

standard move along if you're bored by baby story warning applies

On Sunday, Sam and Hopper and I went out for lunch. This is increasingly becoming a bit more precarious and dependent on how cute the other patrons find our son to be, especially after he hurtles his sippy cup into their refried beans. But on this particular day, he was pretty much riding the Cute Train, flirting with the waitresses, not really destroying anything, charming everyone around us. I mean, he was hurtling the sippy cup, but only into MY refried beans, which: funny HA HA, isn't he adorable?? The only possible way this could go wrong is if he let go of a stream of snoozle in the middle of the restaurant and since he started getting sick (AGAIN) Saturday evening, I can tell you, it was only a matter of time. Now, the thing you need to know about this portion of the story is that Sam cannot handle the snoozle. He can change a monster poo, he can be barfed on, but snot weasels: not so much. Even worse is when Hopper's hands get into it before you can reach him with a kleenex. At that point, Sam just starts gagging and seeing dots around the corners of his vision. Now, I'm not going to rehash every disgusting dog rescue story I have in my repertoire, but if you've been with Stinkydog for a while, you might remember: I HAVE A FEW. I never thought I'd reach this point in my life, but I gotta tell you: it takes a LOT to gross me out. In fact, I am so immune to the snoozles that I can use THE HEM OF MY SHIRT if nothing else is available to wipe his nose...At that point, I might have to remove the shirt, boil it in lye and then run it through the washer three times, but I CAN DO IT. So, when Hopper gets a case of the Snoozles, it's all me. I don't mind. I like that kid so much, there's not enough snoozle in the world to overcome it. And I'm proud of it, so proud, in fact, that I start to get an air of invincibility. Look at Me! I'm the MA-MA, I can wipe snot and not get grossed out and I am SO good, that all these germs won't even touch me! It's those FLU SHOTS OF INVICIBILITY I took. See??? I have only been sick ONCE since Thanksgiving and I probably won't ever get sick again because I am the GODDESS OF SNOOZLE. And right about then is when I should look behind me because that thing creeping up is irony coming to kick me RIGHT in the ass.

cough. wheeze. snort. hand me a kleenex.

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