stinkydog

I've been trying to read this article without getting my Mamahackles all in an uproar. In a nutshell, the author is writing about how when you take your kids to fine dining restaurants, it hurts their bottom line because the price points for kids meals is so much lower. Couuuugh couuugh BULLSHIT cough. Sorry: Mamahackles. Now, I know that there is a very divisive line between people who think kids should be allowed to go anywhere, anytime and people who are like, "what the hell is your kid doing here??" Trust me, I've gotten that look so many times over the last year, it's not even funny---in restaurants AND yes, bars. And, in retrospect, there are just a couple of times that I might have been happier with a babysitter..But For better or worse, Sam and I definitely tend to veer on the side of: Hey, if my kid is better behaved than your drunk friend over there, no one is smoking nearby, AND it's before 9pm, suck it up and deal with the cuteness that is our son...WITHIN REASON. And by "within reason" I mean, you probably won't see Hopper at Bender anytime soon.. I mean, I remember what it was like to not have a kid and feel slightly like my territory was being invaded if I saw anything with a pacifier near my beer. I get it. And really nice restaurants--sure, You're out for a fancy night on the town. You're paying $40 for dinner and you may not want to see my kid smoosh fifteen avocado pieces in his ear before grabbing a handful, rolling it in ball and eating it. There are also lots of Obliviparents who act like they can't hear their kids shrieking from two feet away and hey, maybe they can't. Maybe their kid screamed so loud that one time, Daddy's deaf now. But here's the thing, if you have kids and your kids BEHAVE appropriately and quietly in a restaurant, I'm not sure what the problem is. Price points? Pshaw. Show me your receipts from the ladies on diets who order half a salad and lemon water and share one piece of chocolate mousse among 7 people. Boorish behavior? Um, you there, with your cell phone conversation and/or your SUPERLOUD TALKING: more annoying than my kid. And you know what else? if I'm eating with my little one, I can Guar-an-teeee you that I'm not going to be hanging out and camping on your table for 2+ hours. I'm getting in, I'm eating, I'm out--BAM. We're not hanging around til Junior starts throwing endive at the table next to us because he's bored. Again, I certainly understand there are times/places that it's just not appropriate to bring your child...but those times/places are a lot more flexible than you might think. You can't just say "no kids" because somebody's offended by the mere presence of children. That just aint right.

And I say all of that with the full confidence of a mother whose child is not yet two and who is probably about to enter a 36 month moratorium on eating in any restaurant that doesn't have foam walls and a Mascot since I was totally not kidding about that Avocado in the Ear Thing and I am sure WE ARE JUST GETTING STARTED.

If my child is acting like a turd--I will leave, but lets leave the door open, a'ight?