Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Ok, people, I Have A Plan. My role in this Plan is to transport myself, a one year old who is only good 94% of the time and FOUR COCKER SPANIEL PUPPIES across state lines within the span of one day,preferrably, less than 13-14 hours. Hell, preferrably by osmosis, warp drive or other mode of travel that doesn't rely on physics. Your role in this plan is to remind me that I am a crazy person who should be medicated before embarking on any such nonsense that is probably going to result in either puppy or toddler or well, ME, left at one of the rest stops ('cuse me, "Safety Rest Areas") along I-30. Hey, did you know those things have wireless now?? Sweet!

I have plotted now for a few days how this is going to work. So far, I've figured out that if I sacrifice a few chickens, then leave in the evening on Thursday, I can get to a little town just north of Dallas where I can pay someone a ridculous amount of money to stay in a room that is going to give me the heebies because I HAVE SEEN THAT DATELINE SPECIAL ON YOUR HOTEL GERMS AND I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN IT. Then we'll get up early on Friday, and by "early" I mean, way way way before Hopper realizes I'm going to strap him in the carseat again, he has this cute little clueless squinty eyed look in the mornings at 4am, as long as you don't expose him to bright lights, you can get away with quite a bit. I figure I have at least til Texarkana before the wailing begins. We should hit Little Rock by noon.

I then plan on having my family tickle, smooch, cuddle and otherwise occupy the toddler for 48 straight hours, hopefully keeping him up a few hours past his bedtime Saturday night because Sunday Morning--hoo boy here's the kicker-- Sunday Morning we take off with FOUR puppies in tow back to Austin. Yeah, and by "puppies" I mean REAL ONES. Real ones that poop and pee, regardless of whether they're in something with upholstery or not. With a one year old. The same one year old who once screamed so loud when I strapped into his high chair that one of the dogs hid for 2 days. Oh, he'll love it. What 14mth old on crack doesn't love being confined in one spot for five hundred and twelve miles?? Straight through, baby. Eight or nine of the most enjoyable hours I'll ever have before they put me in the nice padded place with those lovely lovely drugs.

Who's up for a road trip??


Jewels said...

ROTF. Good Luck.

I have mentioned you on The Daily Shout Out today. Thanks for sharing your humor with us.

Juliet said...

More power to ya, darlin'.