Five Reasons There is NO Way I Can Possibly Attend the Office Christmas Party Tonight Even If It's At The Hyatt &They're Serving The "Fancy" Chicken

1. Dude, I've had the fancy chicken. That's like saying I've had Special Edition Malt-O-Meal. It's still gross. shudder.
2. Since I am 7 1/2 months pregnantThat pesky OBGYN won't OK more than one drink. I require at least six for this particular event. Whiskey ones.
3. I can't find a babysitter? (does that one still work?)
4. I have REALLY got to spend that time assembling the Cowboy Penguin and Light Up Christmas Cactus yard decorations I purchased on sale for 60% off last year at Target.*
5. I got a date with the Burgermeister, baby!

*this one: totally true.