I'm sitting at the computer when an eye watering stench wafts over. I turn to Hopper who is nearby playing a video game in which he takes care of virtual puppies while four REAL LIFE dogs sit at his feet watching him.
Me: HOPPER! Did you just fart?
Hop: NOOOOOOOO, OMG, WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT. It's probably Rowan! He's been eating FART FOOD all day!
Rowan: I HAVE NOT
Hop: MAybe it's the dogs! Bean drinks toilet water, maybe he swallowed someone's fart. Maybe somebody broke into our house, farted and left before we could even see them! Or Dad did it before he went to work and it's so strong it lasted ALL DAY.
Hop: Maybe it was YOU Mom! You could be farting RIGHT NOW and not even know it, they don't even make a noise all the time, Mayb--
Me: So what you're saying is, "Whoever smelt it, dealt it?"
Boy child's jaw drops, a look of wonder on his face.
Hop: You're the BEST, Mom.
I know. (But for the record, it wasn't me).