Monday Craigslist

Austinist always posts their "best of" the Austin Craigslist Missed Connections every Monday. Since they've got that particular Freak Study down, I thought I'd try my hand at the Pets Section. The following are actual posts from the Austin Craigslist Pet Section that I find particularly noteworthy (with some boring parts edited out along with their contact info).

Deer Chiwawa available
Reply to: see belowDate: 2006-11-13, 10:59AM CST
Male Deer Chiwawa. 5 years old, mostly Pee Pad trained, very affectionate. ... Not only is this Chiwawa one of the cutest dogs you will have ever known he is absolutely beautiful in all regards to a Deer Chiwawa. Please feel free to call with any questions.

Deer Chiwawa? What the? I'm going to go out on a limb and guess maybe FAWN COLORED Chihuahua, but you know, we can never know for sure. This might actually be some sort of bizarre dwarf Deer with tiny little hooves. And antlers. I don't want to be harsh. They're really trying here, but in my experience, when someone says "mostly Pee Pad trained" that means: "98% of the time, I'm stepping in tiny puddles of piss, please take this incontinent little bastard off my hands". Just, you know, fyi...

Wanted: Lab 6mos to 2 1/2 yrs
Reply to: Date: 2006-11-13, 10:30AM CST
Looking for a best friend! I am a 23 year old female about to move to California for work. I grew up with labs and am imprinted on them - they are such loving animals. .... Because I lived with labs my whole life I know that they are an active breed - luckily so am I. ... Let me know if you have a match for me or have any other questions, Clara

Dear Clara, Please tell me more about the imprinting. I've been trying to get my portrait tattoed on Fergus's butt for months, but the fur keeps getting in the way. Also, please refrain from referring to yourself as a "breed". You're one step away from referring to yourself as a "fine young filly" and that's just going to piss me off. Additionally, advertising yourself as a fit 23 year old female on Craigslist is like Flypaper for the Perverted. I hope your spam filter is securely in place when Mr. "Hey Baby, I'll Be Your Hairy Lapdog" comes a-calling. Seriously though, good luck! There are about 200 labs at the animal shelter right now, you might be able to find one there that'll work.

oh, alright, I'll stop.