Thursday, June 19, 2008

Open Letter

Dear Aerobics Instructor,

Look, both of us know I need to come to class more often and I'm trying, really I am. I think you're a great teacher too--you seem to really know how to make everyone work just hard enough for us to sweat in a very unladylike fashion, but not too much for us to start hating you. I mean, we've had subs before that almost got their cars keyed with "die, you skinny bitch" after they taught a class, you know what I'm saying? I'm telling you this so you know the following is coming from a place of love: I'm not coming back. Not until you stop playing this song. I cannot. Take it. Anymore. It is almost worse than any song I think I could ever imagine. I'm fairly certain it makes my brain bleed. Dude, I was right there with you when you wouldn't stop playing that awful swedish dance/pop version of "Cotton Eyed Joe"--that was bad, don't get me wrong, but this one? Like a bullet right to the soul. It makes me hurt for humanity... Humanity's ears, anyway. I hear this song and I just want to go find these people and choke them. Not like TIL THEY DIE choking, but you know, just so they'll never be able to sing it again.

Alrighty, I've made my point, so please, give me a buzz when it leaves your playlist and I'll be in the front row.

chasses 4-ever,


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