Tuesday, January 06, 2009

A Fragrant Story

(only tangentially about dogs, read on)

So I had to go to the animal shelter today to do a couple of behavior evals on some dogs our group might be getting and I encountered probably the worst-kept dog I've ever seen. I think this dog has probably never seen a brush or a bath or clippers---and the smell...yeaaargh. I can't describe it. I'll just give you a little picture. See what I mean?

and then, the bad thing is (other than being within 10 feet of the stench) is that I had to sort of feel it up because it's SO matted, you can't tell whether the dog is a boy or a girl, and no, I didn't have gloves--in a perfect world I would, but they were out of them and I forget to stock my purse--so lucky, lucky me gets to grope this poor dog with my bare hands but I STILL couldn't tell what it is. That is some serious yuck, yall.

After I get done molesting this poor dog, I immediately get ushered into the staff bathroom so I can boil my hands and otherwise clean up. I finish off by dousing my hands and forearms with this hand sanitizer someone from work gave me as a christmas gift (they know me so well). And yall, believe it or not THIS is actually where the STANK portion of the story begins..

Apparently, this is no ordinary hand sanitizer, this is Bath and Body Works Japanese Cherry Blossom hand sanitizer about which they tout

"to create this seductive and mysterious floral scent inspired by the exotic gardens of Japan, master perfumers have blended Asian pear, mimosa petals, Kyoto rose and Himalayan cedarwood"

Kyoto rose, my ass. this stuff?? Smells like they took the rotting carcass of an AVON lady from 1973 and put that essence in a bottle. You know that sort of sickly sweet, but completely unpenetrable smell that won't wash off. FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS???

I was ok for like the first 10 minutes, but then after I got in my car and I had to breathe this cloud of whorish tang, I actually had to pull into a nearby McDonalds and go in to wash my hands again. And again. And then again at work. it's been forty-five minutes, 20-30 handwashings, and I can still smell it. It's not inspired by Japanese Gardens..it's the STENCH OF HELL.

Can someone please Google how to defeat the Japanese Cherry Blossom? I can't move my hands, they're soaking in lye right now.


Robyn said...

it must be bad if it stinks worse than the dying goat....Micah.

Stinkydog said...

I have not yet tested to see whether it is actually worse than the Micah-roma (i'm still at work), but it will probably be a close call.

Jenny said...

peeee -ewwwwww. have you tried lemon juice? works like lemon scented magic :)