Monday, September 07, 2009

"Remember when your mom became a hippie?"

So, there's no way I can tell yall about this without sounding a little weird and honestly, if you want to think I'm a little weird, that's ok. I'm not going to defend the following to you other than to say: it made me feel better. Now, shut up.

You remember how earlier in the year we had the fiasco to end all fiascos with the parvo fight from hell and wow, did we lose that one.. but anyway, I'm not going to rehash or even link to those entries, but if you're just now joining us, trust me, it sucked. It's been three months since that all began (and ended badly) and so ,with the end of summer, I thought I'd try to put a finito to the chapter entirely by re-taking over my bathroom. Yeah, I'll back up. You see, when all that happened with the puppies, their little hospital away from the actual hospital was my bathroom. And I haven't used it since. I mean, I went in there after everything was over and cleared everything out, throwing away anything that could be thrown away and dousing, bleaching, scrubbing, disinfecting with the special de-parvo stuff (several times)'s clean, trust me, but still, I haven't used that bathroom in three months. I don't know how to explain it other than, after you've spent two straight weeks of seeing a room as a place of hopeless suffering and death, it stopped being feasible for me to go in there and floss. When I walked in there, I always got hit with a really bad feeling... it just.. I would just remember NOT wanting to open that door in the mornings because what was waiting in there for me was so awful.. and so after I cleaned it that last time, I shut the door and haven't used it three months. I know. It's stupid, right? This morning, it occurred to me that this needs to end. I had to take the room back over and somehow rid it of the bad hoodoo. Because if there is one thing that bleach does not kill, it is the hoodoo.

And so I went and purchased some sage, got the kosher salt and went to town on the weasilygoodfornothingevilpuppykilling JERK of a spirit in there. In short, I lit my herbs, and told the stupid spirit politely, but firmly, to f*** off. And for good measure, I offered up a little prayer to St. Francis about the puppies. I asked that he look out for them and make sure their little souls were running and playing up there and chewing on neverending nylabones, not hanging out in my stupid bathroom, a'ight?

This whole little ceremony took just a couple of minutes. Sage, as it turns out, smells an awful lot like the Pot. Mr. Bean promptly ran in and licked up all the salt, theoretically ingesting any of the hoodoo it may have soaked up (what else is new? That dog is deranged, even without evil spirits). And St. Francis, well, who knows, it couldn't have hurt, right? But the silly thing is, I think it all might have worked. Seriously. I'm feeling a little okay about the bathroom again. Enough to take a shower in there at least.


Mel Francis said...

good for you.

Suzy said...

I love the whole sage-burning thing! We did it to G's house when I moved in to get rid of the ex-wife hoodoo. Totally smells like the stinky weed.