Tuesday, November 23, 2010


If you'd like to keep warm fuzzy thoughts about the human race swirling about in your head, might I highly suggest staying away from Central Market on a Tuesday before Thanksgiving. Specifically, steer clear of:

**That guy wielding his shopping cart like a weapon that hit me in Produce and then glared at me. I'm so sorry my pregnant stomach got in your way of the yams, sir. Allow me to yell at my UNBORN CHILD to make sure he doesn't block your path any longer.

**Also, the elderly lady in Dairy screaming at me about WHERE IS THE GODDAM COOL WHIP. I'm not sure, maam. You're in Central Market. I'm not sure they practice Cool Whip here. You might try HEB. OR MAYBE THE GODDAM FROZEN SECTION.

**Or the person who left their tiny little Cujo dog tied up to one of the tables outside, completely unattended while that little dog/turd snarled and snapped at anyone who got within two feet of it. I'm guessing you've probably never heard the term "liability" before.. Or "euthanasia".

.. On second thought, do you mind if I borrow your dog for a minute? There's a guy back in Produce I'd like him to meet.

No comments: