Friday, March 04, 2011

The "Fourth Trimester" and Fitness "Pal"

The Fourth Trimester, or as I like to call it: when you're still fat enough post pregnancy that people think you're at least six months along. Hint: if a person is carrying a newborn with them, DON'T ASK when they are due. Or if you do ask, DUCK. Or wear a helmet.

Now that I am getting towards sufficiently recovered from surgery, I've started this new diet and exercise plan. My diet is to not eat like a pregnant lady (I really, really miss you, Americone Dream Ben and Jerry's). The exercise...erm. Well, ok, I'm not jogging yet. Or walking quicker than a snail's pace, BUT I have started being a little more active. I downloaded this Fitness Pal app that helps keep track of your daily food intake and activity level, but I'm having a little bit of a difficult time recording all my exercise. Mainly because they don't have any of my activities listed in their database. All they have is traditional crap like bowling or playing basketball. They don't have any of the things that women in my position do that really burn off the calories (and please, don't ever take that sentence out of context). These are things I expend energy on almost every day. And trust me, there is energy expended. LOTS of energy. Why aren't these things listed in that database, huh? What is wrong with these people?

For example:

Trying to get a two year old to eat a banana without smearing it on the couch or in his hair while also keeping the iPOD touch out of his reach and holding the newborn in your other arm for 25 straight minutes. That's gotta be at least a hundred calories spent. Am I right?

Or any of these other things I do:

tip-toeing and jumping to look for things on top of shelves and cabinets and refrigerators that I can't see (the side effect of marrying someone who's 6'7 and not organized)

rocking and swaying and rocking and swaying (and rocking and swaying) the baby to sleep

Picking up 50 Elmo books from the floor (this, actually gets repeated about 3-4 times a day, I'm not sure what the kid's problem is with bookshelves).

making milk! (with my body, not a cow)

finding the internal strength and fortitude not to strangle Mr. Bean after he's eaten the last roll of toilet paper (500 calories, at least).

See? I HAVE ACTIVITIES. Get on it, Fitness "Pal".

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