It wasn't me

If you received a text from me this weekend, you should know that

a). I never text. Ever. I hate texting. In fact, when you send me a text it sits there in my inbox for up to six months until I finally remember that I actually have texting enabled on my phone and remember to look. You'd reach me faster if you taped a note on to the back of a GPS-enabled tortoise.

and

b). I wouldn't write: HOPPR SMELS (though he does) and I do not NEDE MOR HUGGIEZ

I'm guessing this may be your culprit: