Saturday, April 20, 2013


 I know you've heard the joke about how Pinterest is just a secret conspiracy by men to trick women into  cooking and working out.  Y'all know I can't cook. But sometimes (only those times that I am too lazy to get dressed to go out), I wish I could. And then I start looking at all these recipes on Pinterest that are like the "most delicious Coq Au Vin with only 2 ingredients!"-- And THEN they're selling it like, OH, you don't need to know how to COOK! You can just add some Franzia and some chicken nuggets to a rice cooker and VOILA-AN INSTANT FRENCH CLASSIC! Okay, maybe not Coq Au Vin, but close. Some of these things sound truly disgusting. I'm referring specifically here to this one recipe that calls for making brownies out of black beans. I am not joking. I think it's supposed to be a high protein treat? I don't know. I just refer to them as "fart brownies" in my head and scroll on past. But, FINE. I'm not immune. I saw a recipe that I thought could be, maybe workable and it was 3 ingredients and then a friend posted the same exact one on Facebook and thought how could I POSSIBLY screw up 3 ingredients?? (Note: this is the point where people who know me in real life will remember that I can screw up TWO ingredients, easy)

Also, anyone reading who CAN actually cook or bake or do either professionally, you can, uh, just stop here. I don't want your pity. You could bring by some dessert though.

Here is the exact (I swear) recipe:
Two 12-oz bags frozen mixed berries
1 box white cake mix (no pudding)
1 can of diet sprite (clear soda)

Place frozen fruit in a 9x13 baking dish. Add dry cake mix over the top. Pour soda slowly over cake mix. DO NOT stir the cake mix and the pop - this will give you a 'crust'. If you stir the two, you will have a cake like topping.

Bake at 350 for 45-50 min.

Look, see, I added the berries

the cake mix and the sprite and did not mix them (as instructed)

Even though it foamed up like Rowan's Elmo Bubble Bath

I let it cook for 50 minutes at 350 degrees. It came out looking like this: 

Yeah. Those are little islands of dry cake mix. You will note, there is nothing in the recipe above that either references these little islands or how you're supposed to, um, make them edible. So, I just sort of mashed them in with the berries underneath. 

That...did not improve the looks of this thing. 

But looks aren't everything, right?  Let's see what the kids thought:

Note: there is not a photo of Rowan eating the cobbler. He wouldn't touch it. Hopper ate about 2 bites and said it tasted like "grape ice cream."  Note: it was still sorta hot and there are no grapes in it. 

Rowan dropped his on the floor and ran outside.  This is a photo of Hudson, the dog, refusing to eat his abandoned bowl. 

OK, dog, that's enough editorializing outta you. 

So, what exactly was the problem? Well, for one, it's a tad too sweet. It's got sprite and white cake mix for crissakes, of course it is. I took one bite and thought my brain was going to cave in. And the little pockets of unmixed in cake mix taste, uh, like uncooked cake mix. 

For now, Sam is bringing home some vanilla ice cream and we'll try the "cobbler" as a topping. We're going to see if that improves the situation any. It's doubtful, though. REAL doubtful. 

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