Teef

The boys had their bi-annual dentist appointment this morning. It went well (for them). Me? I left a shivering mess. The boys got Ninja Turtle stickers and bouncy ball. I got a f#*$ing LIST of things to look forward to that I, in no way no how look forward to (no way no how).
First item on the list is that they would like for me to teach Rowan how to floss. hahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah! oh mylanta, let me compose myself for a moment..hahahahhahahahahhahahaha.  Hoo. Yeah.
Second on the list is that Hopper is apparently going to drop "4-6 teeth in the next three or four months".  Bzzzzzzrrrp. Hold Up.
Now, I will admit that I've been looking around at all his first grade classmates and I realized that every single one of them has lost at least one tooth and I wondered what the delay with Hopper was. (not that it's a competition, it's just one of those things you notice). So, I'm relieved that he's not going to develop Shark Mouth where his adult teeth come in before the baby ones leave and he has two rows of chompers. But I will tell you that I am not equipped to handle teeth falling out of my kid's mouth. I'm not going to be able to be in the same room if he starts to fiddle with a loose tooth and nudges it back and forth. And if he approaches me with a tooth hanging on by a thread, I will probably come close to passing out. I have a...THING with teeth. Like, you may think you can't stand to hear the sound of someone grinding their teeth, I'm not talking about that sort of thing.  I'm talking teeth in general. Teeth grinding, teeth scraping a fork--those noises, yes, but also, the IDEA of teeth falling out.
Have you ever had that dream? It's a common one-- the one where your teeth either fall out or they crumble?  I used to have that one a lot and it's actually in a lot of dream interpretation dictionaries with all kinds of interpretations. One interpretation is that your teeth represents your attractiveness and if you dream about losing teeth, you're feeling like you're losing your looks. Some cultures believe that if you dream that dream, then a very close friend or member of your family may be sick and close to death. The interpretation that resonates the most with me is that your teeth  represent power. So if you have a dream where your teeth crumble or fall out, it means you're feeling powerless or things are out of control. I only bring this up because I honestly have no idea why teeth falling out in real life freaks me out more than anything. I mean, I don't FEEL like thins are out of my control or I'm powerless, but I promise you if you approach me with a loose tooth I will run down the street screaming.
I mentioned the teeth grinding earlier--ironically (in the Alanis Morrisette way), I grind my teeth. I grind my teeth so much that I have to wear a professionally fitted mouth guard at night and I regularly bite through it about every few months. Because of this nightly grinding, I've actually chipped one of my front bottom teeth so much it's noticeably shorter than the other (and now you will stare at my bottom front teeth the next time we see each other). Every time I go to my dentist to get a new guard, he always asks, "soooooo. Are we feeeeelinnnngg.... STRESSED?" (that's how he says it). And honestly, no I don't feel stressed.... UNTIL TODAY. Because man, I am not going to be able to handle this tooth-loosing phase.  This is going to be one of those things that's ALL DAD.  And now that I think about it, Shark Mouth might be kinda cool?