Thursday, April 14, 2016

Spirit Animal

Hopper recently checked out a book from his school library that is part of this series called "Spirit Animals" and I've been too lazy too look up the reviews, but I am assuming it has something to do with finding a member of the animal kingdom that best represents your inner being.  So, he's telling me about this book and I ask him, "So, what do you think your spirit animal is?"
This renders him speechless for a couple of minutes while he's thinking furiously about it. (I have to remember to use this the next time he talks at me for 45 straight minutes about the intricacies of the worlds most inane Disney show "Lab Rats" ) and I give him a bit before I ask,"Well?" and he says, "I don't know."

"Hopper," I say, "you're ignoring the obvious."
"What's obvious?"
"What your spirit animal is..."
"WHAT. What is my spirit animal?"
"A grasshopper."
He looks dubious.
"Think about it," I say, "they're fast. They play in the grass. They're green, (your favorite color is green). They have cool tentacles. YOU have cool eyebrows. They can jump twenty times the length of their bodies. You jump off the top of the playscape even though I always tell you if you land wrong, you'll break your legs. YOUR NAME IS EVEN HOPPER. I mean.."
"I don't know, mom..."
"And a lot of people think they're really gross, but.."
"I'm not really gross!"
"Trust me son. You are totally disgusting."
"Remember this morning when you sneezed really big and there was a solid stream of snot that came out of your nose?"
"And what did you do with that?"
"Um. Uh, I wiped it on my sleeve."
"And then what?"
"You licked it off your sleeve, didn't you, son."
(quietly) "yes."
"BOOM. You're a grasshopper."

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