Sunday, July 31, 2016


On the side of my blog, where my profile resides, there's this list of 35 things about me that I did back in July 2006 when I was..35. Ten years ago. TEN. eegghhh, just typing that made my sciatica flair up. Anyway, that list has been there for damn near forever and I always say I'm going to update it and never do, but I guess it's probably time. Unless I can wait another ten years?  eegghh. fine.

Original list and then my updates:

1.I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas and lived in the same house until I was 18.
Yup. Still true, though I am approaching the date when I will have lived outside of Arkansas longer than I did in it. 

2.I am the youngest of 4. 
Technically, I am a middle child now. My dad got re-married and I have five step siblings that are mostly younger than me. It's weird though, I've always been more a Cindy than a Jan. 

3.I was supposed to be a boy. Whoops.
looking back on this, I've decided I don't like this term "Supposed to be a boy"-- it's more accurate to say:  ultrasounds back in 1971 were probably as accurate as someone holding a ring on a string and letting it hover over your pregnant belly to see which way it turned. At any rate, mine was wrong.

4.When I was a kid, I was always afraid that vampires were going to come after me as I slept so I devised a plan to cover my neck with my pillow so I’d have a fighting chance to escape. I still sleep with a pillow over my head to this day.
True story: I have about 14 pillows on my bed because someone is forever stealing mine and I still need my vampire protection. 

5.I am allergic to dogs. I have to take Benadryl a lot.
I'm more of a Clariton kind of girl now. 

6.I could be a good cook if I paid more attention to the recipes. 
This is not true. After 45 years, I've determined that I excel at making dip. Anything else I make ends up tasting like asparagus, regardless of whether asparagus is actually one of the ingredients.

7.The only serious (requiring a hospital visit) injuries I have ever had have been to my head or my face. This explains a lot.
Still true. 

8.I have one tattoo, and I am getting another one by the end of the year.
I never got that 2nd tattoo. I have designs for one, but zero motivation. My sisters and I may get one together sometime if they ever relax those rules about inking someone who's been drinking. When I show up with a picture of fried chicken on my leg, you'll know. 

9.I hate snow.
I also am not fond of sleet. 

10.I have straight teeth, but I used to want braces so bad I made a “retainer” for myself out of paperclips.
I grind my teeth so much at night I have to wear a mouthguard, so I am over this braces envy I used to have. 

11.I used to live in an apartment above Mrs. Gerard mother of Gil Gerard (Buck Rogers). I ran into him in the foyer all the time, but never once took the opportunity to do my “Twiki” voice. 
When is Netflix going to add Buck Rogers to the lineup? Anyone know? 

12.Incense makes me sneeze, and people who wear Patchouli make me want to hose them off.
There is a person who works in my building who I am somewhat friends with and he wears patchouli sometimes, but only when he doesn't want to shower. I know this because I asked him one day, "You like patchouli, huh?" And he said, "No, I just really hate to shower."  Ages old patchouli discrimination=validated.

13.I have a slightly neurotic fear of house-fires and have secretly devised an evacuation plan for every place I have ever lived. I once lived in a 4th story walkup with no fire escape and had a little freakout moment every single day until I moved. 
I have already taught my kids where to go in case there is a fire. Inadvertently, I have also probably taught them how to most easily sneak out of the house when they're older.

14.I detest being woken up by anyone for any reason. Unless they are dying or my house is on fire.
Still true. Though I will say, it's always nice to be woken up out of a dead sleep so that someone (cough, Rowan) can tell me that Sunset Shimmer from Equestria Girls used to be mean, but now she is nice. 

15.I have never been engaged, married, or arrested. 
No arrest record here. 

16.I have never been pregnant, but I’ve attended Lamaze classes twice. 
I have now been pregnant twice and didn't attend a Lamaze class either time. 

17.I don’t know if I ever want to have kids, but I wouldn’t mind borrowing someone else’s for a while. I like the accoutrements.
The amount of random shit you can fill your house with due to children is astounding. I understand this now and am looking forward to the day I can donate all this stuff to some other clueless rube. 

18.I could not give two shits about my fingernails.
I have grown rather fond of pedicures. The ladies there always look askance at my fingernails, but nah. Still don't care 

19.I can handle spiders, but slugs sort of make me want to cry.
In our neighborhood, there aren't any slugs, but there are an unusually large amount of snails and every time it rains, the sidewalks are so teeming with them, you can't walk anywhere without stepping on one..or several. It still makes so grossed out I gag.

20.I usually have at least one glass of wine almost every day. My doctor once asked me how many ounces of liquor I drank in a week, and I asked if she could come up with a bigger standard of measure. 
I'm sipping on some right now. 

21.I have had the same two best friends for over 20 years.
Thirty now! 

22.I used to be very Catholic, but can’t stand organized religion.
We have an excellent unitarian universalist church in Austin that I go to sometimes. I call it "Hippie School." 

23.I consider myself to be politically “Independent” but I don’t think I have actually voted Republican on anything, ever. 
I have actually voted for a Republican in the last 10 years and lightning did not strike me down. I don't anticipate that repeating itself anytime soon, but you never know. 

24.I have never given up hope that I will someday develop either ESP or the ability to talk to animals—either one will do.
I've never figured out how to talk to animals, but they've figured out how to talk to me. For example, when Mr. Bean is not happy with me, he will take a shit on one of my shoes. Like, not like he happened to be pooping and my shoe was in the way, he aims for it. In this way, I have learned that maybe it's better we just don't speak. 

25.I hate being late to movies. If I miss the previews, I might as well not show up at all.
Thanks to the beauty of reserve seats in theaters, I don't get as worked up as I used to, but still, if the lights are already down when we arrive, I get a little huffy. 

26.I have absolutely no rhythm or ability to dance. This very rarely stops me. 
When the boys are acting up in public, like at the grocery store, I will start humming the music that's piped over the loudspeaker, if that doesn't stop them, I will start singing the song loudly and work in a little interpretive dance/air drum solo and tell them I will keep on doing this until they get themselves together. You have never seen two children straighten up so fast in your life.
27.I hold grudges til I’m good and damn ready to let it go. But I always let it go.
I'm a lot quicker at letting things go than I used to be. Unless you're that guy who zooms past the entire line of cars waiting and then tries to cut someone off last minute to get in ahead of everyone else: you SIR, are an ABOMINATION AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT SHIT. 

28.9 times out of 10, if I am talking shit about someone, they are standing right behind me. 
As I have gotten older, I've discovered that it's much more efficient to just go ahead and talk shit directly in front of someone. Saves any misunderstandings.

29.I never wear more than one shade of eye shadow , mostly because I don’t know how to put it on. You and your talk of “brow lines” mean nothing to me.
So, now we have YouTube for these kinds of things, right? Like full on make up tutorials, people make a living doing these. Yeah, I don't watch them.

30.Cemetaries are some of my favorite places.
I do still love cemetaries, but I have learned something about death in the last 10 years and if I'm visiting a cemetary now, I'm looking at it from a different perspective. 

31.I dream in color. Always. 
Half the time these days, I don't even know that I'm asleep until I feel the drool on my pillow. 

32.Some people say I am “too nice”. They don’t know me very well.
ha hahahahhahahahhhhhaaaaaaa! No one says this about me anymore. NO ONE. Like, I haven't been nice since maybe 2008. 

33.Jell-O kind of freaks me out. A lot.
There's this Asian buffet down the street from us and on the dessert table, they have like, 8 different kinds of cheesecake and a literal vat of red jello that my kids will consume half of every time we're there. It's gross.

34.I took Latin as my foreign language in high school. Despite what they told us at the time, this has never, ever helped me.
There was this one time, last Fall, I was playing Trivia Crack and I totally got my little history dude because of Latin. So, there's that.  

35.I don’t believe in thong underwear. In theory or in practice.
I still don't but sometimes when we're getting ready for bath time, Hopper will pull his tighty-whities up til they're like a thong and shake his butt and we laugh and laugh because that shit is funny

hoo god, this list is long, right? Like way too long? Like who really needs to know more than 35 things about me even though now I'm 45 and technically I should add 10 things to the list? eh, screw that. How 'bout one more:   I don't like Rum. Like, not even a little. Pina Coladas? Blech.  I know, there goes my party girl image. heh. 

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