Wednesday, April 05, 2017

Lessons Learned

Last Summer, I was having a bit of a hard time getting Rowan to brush his teeth. I mean REALLY brush his teeth, beyond sucking the bubblegum flavored kid toothpaste off his toothbrush and doing a cursory once over with the brush. So, in a moment of frustration, I made a bad parenting decision. I googled. Specifically, I googled "bad teeth" and then I showed the results to Rowan and I told him, "If you don't brush your teeth, this is what they're going to end up looking like." I know. I know. It wasn't the smoothest mom move. And might I highly recommend that you NEVER ever do this, unless, of course, you never want to eat again.
What happened as a result of the Bad Mom Move was that Rowan became OBSESSED with brushing his teeth. I mean, he would brush his teeth for like 10 minutes and then come show me, teeth clenched, lips open wide, "HOW ARE THEY MOM?" He'd ask. And then about 20 minutes later, ask again. "ARE MY TEETH STILL OKAY?" And then after every single meal. And also, if he happened to eat a raisin or, I dunno, breathe air that he thought smelled funny. "STILL OKAY MOM?" And then when I wasn't around, he started asking his teacher after lunch til she sent me a concerned text and I explained that he was really into dental hygiene. This went on for MONTHS til it finally petered out in late Fall. And then, I told him the night before that he had a dentist visit and he panicked, "I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO BRUSH MY TEETH, MOM." I know. I'm sure  he will be bringing this up in therapy when he's older. But: point is, his teeth are lovely.
The toenails on the other hand.. JESUS CHRIST. I really don't know how people handle cutting toenails of little boys. I'll be honest, I stopped really making an effort when they were like, 3 and 5. I was getting kicked in the face every time. I think part of me understood that I was complicit in the fact that they were probably just gnawing on them when I wasn't looking, and chalking that up to a WIN for the IMMUNE SYSTEM. But tonight I looked and it was like something out of Rip Van Winkle. Twenty years of toenail growth on a six year old's foot. So, I brought out the clippers. Holy. Hell. There was kicking and screaming and writhing around. I managed to cut 3 out of 10 nails before there was blood and then I just gave up and dealt with the next 10-15 minutes of sobbing about how I "cut off the good toe." (which is totally false, it was like, the middle toe, which I hardly think qualifies).
But I want you to know that I learned my lesson and am not googling "overgrown toenails" and showing it to them because all of us need to sleep between now and sometime when they're 30 years old.

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