Just say No

You know how sometimes you buy things because you think it's a good idea? And then very shortly after that you're left wondering, why? WHY??? God? Oh why? Like...jeans with weird fading on the buttcheeks. They seemed kinda cute and kicky in the store and then, well, No. Just No. No fading on the butt is ever a good idea. (please don't ever take that sentence out of context and haunt me with it... not that I plan on ever running for Congress, but you know, just don't bring it up six months in the future, ok?).

Anyway, I officially had a "No" experience with Morningstar Farms Veggie Dogs today.

I know that seems like a no-brainer to 99.9% of the population of the Western World, but actually, their little fake chicken nuggets are not half bad. Especially when you dip them in butter. Or Ranch. Or anything to replace the missing animal fat, really. But my point is: the veggie dogs? Vomitous. Seriously. I tried one, spit it out, scraped my tongue with a butter knife and then gargled for 10 minutes and I still get a little queasy thinking about it. Don't do it, not even for the saved calories or extra satisfaction you might get from knowing that it's soy and not a once living thing. Don't do it thinking you're going to cover that taste with chili. There's not a chili in the world that can overpower that funk, believe me. Even after you've read Fast Food Nation and are smack in the middle of doing your Food Penance, do NOT try them. And if you are vegetarian, especially No because these things? Will turn you back on to real meat.

Just sayin'.