Sunday, November 29, 2015

Drives Home

Back in the late 90's, before kids and husband and any other responsibilities other than not drinking beer before liquor, I actually used to go home to Arkansas at least four times a year, sometimes more. On one of those, I had one of those legendary so much bad luck it was slightly comical trips where what normally is about an eight hour drive lasted over 21 hours and it only ended because my brother in law drove an hour to come get me after the State Police closed down the freeway (it wasn't anything I did, I swear, it was weather-related). This trip home back to Austin we took today?  CLOSE SECOND.
Today, wasn't really the heavy rain that lasted the entire 512 miles, causing me to grip the steering wheel so hard I stopped being able to feel my thumbs four hours in that got to me. It wasn't the bonus hydroplaning and flooded access roads.  Nor the egregious display of Asshat Human Behavior exhibited from north of Dallas aalllllll the way down I-35 (though, seriously,in driving rain, I'm not required to go 85 miles an hour in the slow lane. Also, PASS ON THE LEFT, Fartstains).  It wasn't the time we made a "stop" for Hopper and he disappeared into the Men's Restroom "WHERE YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED, MOM" and literally stayed in there for 25 minutes until I threatened by yelling at the doorway to come in there and yank him off the toilet (and I really apologize to the man there at the urinal, sir, it was necessary). It wasn't the seven wrecks we saw or the bumper-to-bumper traffic for over two hundred straight miles. Or even the time Rowan got so mad at me for taking away his Happy Meal toy (because he was being a jerk to his brother) that he threw an apoplectic fit that lasted til he eventually just passed out mid-scream.
Nah, it was how Hopper kept asking me every twenty minutes whether I still had the chocolate gravy his Aunt Katie made for him in the front seat. And how, when he woke up as we were pulling in the driveway, Rowan said disappointedly, "Aww, mom, I thought we were going back to Arkansas." They love going to see their family there and it makes these drives back home seem way too long til we get to see them again.

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