Wednesday, December 02, 2015


As most people who know me in real life would tell you, I have fairly low standards when it comes to expectations for my dogs' good behavior. Me, I'm happy if they, I dunno, don't eat through the drywall in my living room or take a large dump in my closet or if they just take a break from peeing on a kid's shoe every once in a while. What I'm saying is: it doesn't take much for them to be on the Nice List. What DOES NOT get one on the Nice List is eating through the entire collection of salt dough ornaments that I spent hours upon hours (upon hours, yall, it was a LONG DAY) painting and baking and painting and baking. I even made one for each of the dogs. Which the little f***ers ATE last night. Or more technically, they ate them sometime when I was at work yesterday and I didn't discover it until I was getting ready for bed and stepped on a partial piece of one.

I fervently hoped that whoever the culprit(s?) were, they were feeling nauseous. I wasn't even going to look up whether it could possibly be trouble, just let the vomit and carefully painted pieces fall where they may. So I looked it up and, dammit, OF COURSE salt dough ornaments are poisonous. They're half salt. So, if a dog ingests a lot of that dough, they can get salt poisoning which can actually cause coma or even death.
So that's why I was outside at 10 o'clock at night using my cell phone flashlight looking to see if the little assholes really ate all of them or whether or not they just chewed them up really good.  I know exactly how many ornaments there were and how many pieces I've found so I'm fairly sure we're safe.  But in case you, too, have little Ornament Killing Shitheads  running around your house, be forewarned, keep e'm away from the salt-dough. It's no bueno.

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